I'm not really feeling like writing today. I'd prefer to curl up in a corner and have a big sleep, then wake up and its all over. Nothing much has changed with the boat today, or the sea state - the usual waves crashing now and again and soaking the cockpit, the usual leaks - well except that I traced the source of one leak to the transducer for the depth gauge. This is a thru-hull fitting reinstalled in Sydney in the centerline of the boat forward of the mast - in the floor of the V-Berth. A steady leak, almost just an ooze of water only, but seeing it left me shaking. Literally. The other event that left me shaking was to see another tear in the main sail, another of those slider attachments has torn through the front edge of the sail, After taking in these two further problems I concluded I must have been pushing the boat too hard and decided to have a slow and quiet day today, so reduced sail and have been trying to keep moving forward at not much more than three knots. This is in 25 knots of wind often, and with a rough 1-2metre swell. Consequently there has been less need to do mopping up - small mercies!
Another reason to go slowly is that I wish to arrive at Rurutu in the morning not in the middle of the night which may have happened if we had been making our usual 5 or so knots.
The plan remains as described yesterday, to check this anchorage out and hopefully rest up there for a while. If it is unsuitable I am at a loss to think how I am going to cope with the stress of sailing any further. I think I am discovering the limits of what I am capable of putting myself through. The weather reports continue to be unfavorable, and I am struggling to maintain faith in the integrity of the boat - Sapphire is 30 years old and clearly not all is right within.
I swear, if I can find a man in Rurutu who would like this boat, I will give it to him, and catch the next plane home.
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